Have you ever found yourself mentally and physically drained after spending time with someone? Do you find yourself dreading another lunch date with your “Debbie Downer” friend? Do you have family members who never fail to kill the vibe? If you’re answering yes to any of these questions, it’s time to re-evaluate your circle. Self care is not just about your appearance. It’s also about who you allow in your space mentally, emotionally and physically. Relationships have an effect on your inner peace and your peace is something that’s not negotiable. Unfortunately, many of us are stuck in strained relationships with people that we can’t just delete from our lives. For example, you may not be able to just cut off a family member or a childhood friend because of their role in your life. However, you CAN make self care a priority by being honest and setting boundaries in your relationships.
Keep It Real
If we don’t speak up, the people around us are not going to know how they make us feel. Majority of relationships suffer from lack of communication. How is someone going to know that they’re always getting on your nerves if you never tell them? Keeping it real isn’t easy because you run the risk of offending the other person. Therefore, it’s important to keep things respectful. Telling someone “I don’t appreciate the way you’ve been acting lately” may go a little better than “You don’t know how to act”. The way people behave towards others is often a reflection of how they are dealing with their personal issues. Did something go wrong with their job? Are they having marital or financial issues? Moreover, have they been treating you differently because they want something that you have? Sometimes, these things can be revealed and/or worked out by having a serious conversation. Unfortunately, not everyone is capable of having a conversation without going off the deep end. This is where setting boundaries comes in.
Don’t Be a Pushover
If you want to set boundaries in your relationships, you can’t be a pushover. Plain and simple. I’ve struggled with this my entire life. You end up sacrificing your happiness in fear of disappointing those around you. In order to succeed in any type of relationship, you have to learn how to say no. Self care involves setting limits. If someone constantly rubs you the wrong way, don’t feel obligated to give them your time……..regardless of your history. Be careful not to allow yourself to absorb someone else’s toxic energy. When someone consistently makes you uncomfortable, its okay to cut the conversation short and move on. Make it clear what you will and won’t tolerate. Remember that people can only treat you how you allow them to. Someone who truly cares about you will respect your feelings.
Switch Things Up
Forming new connections as an adult seems nearly impossible at times. Outside of work, we rarely meet new people that we become friends with. As a result, some of us hold onto toxic relationships for fear of being lonely. The whole “no new friends” and “ride or die” mentality is great but its not for everyone. Sometimes you’ve got to expand your horizons in order to reach a new potential. In other words, get outside your comfort zone. Join a class, volunteer in your community, or take a solo trip. Don’t shut down opportunities to make new connections. Although some of us are fortunate to have people who have been in our lives forever, not every relationship is going to be that way.
Relationships and self care are intertwined because the people you surround yourself with affect your energy and mentality. Once you limit your exposure to negativity and surround yourself with the things you love, you’ll be able to cultivate your inner peace.
